The Space Between Page 4

  Eric gave him a high five. “We’ll see,” he said. He had to change the subject. The topic of Dan was the worst ever. “Have you guys seen Michelle?” he asked.

  “Maybe she’s in Dekker with you know who.” Liam smiled slyly.

  “Hey, don’t diss my boy!” Lance playfully slapped Liam in the face.

  The two boys started to jokingly punch each other.

  “I’m going to go find her,” Eric said. “See you guys at lunch.” He turned and walked away.

  Only he really didn’t look for Michelle. Eric just walked. He was glad to be away from his friends. Dan was not someone he wanted to talk about. Dekker wasn’t his favorite subject either.

  Could he get out of the tournament? He wasn’t sure he wanted to compete now. Maybe Dan would lose right away. Then they wouldn’t have to face each other.

  Nobody would find out. The past would stay hidden.

  He started to look for Michelle. She never seemed to be around when he needed her. The girl was only around when she wanted to be. It had been almost four days since they last spoke. Eric had tried to make plans. But she’d been noncommittal. Did she have something better to do?

  He told himself not to be negative. The thought bothered him, though. Michelle was not someone he could count on. Yet she was the closest person to him. Did he really know her at all? Sometimes he wondered.

  To be fair, she didn’t know him either. Not the way he wanted her to. He started to feel angry. It grew with every step.

  The bell eventually rang. It was time to go to class.

  CHAPTER 18

  She’s My Ex

  Michelle!” Eric called. The day was over. Students were leaving campus. Cars slowly exited the parking lot.

  Eric walked toward his bike. He was on his way to the MMA center. Then he’d spotted Michelle.

  She walked with two of her girlfriends. Tia Walker and Rachel Jimenez. They were some of the most popular girls in school. Tia and Rachel both had boyfriends who went to Dekker.

  Michelle hung out with them a lot. It seemed like she wanted to be just like them.

  Eric knew those girls were the gateway to Dekker. Their boyfriends were probably friends with that guy. The guy Michelle had dumped him for.

  She stopped walking. Tia and Rachel did not.

  “What’s up?” he asked. “Let’s hang out tonight.”

  “Sorry,” she said with a smile. She eyed her girlfriends. They continued walking to Tia’s black Mercedes. “I can’t.”

  “How about tomorrow?” he asked. “Or this weekend?”

  “I have to keep things open.”

  Eric stared at her. Instantly he was filled with rage. His rage was directed at Dan. Why did he have to go to school here? Why was he in the county tournament?

  Eric hated being secretive. He couldn’t really talk to his friends.

  Then his rage focused on Michelle. Did he have a girlfriend or not?

  “You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” he shouted.

  “What are you talking about?” Her eyes got wide. She seemed scared. But she didn’t deny it.

  “I can’t trust you,” he said firmly. He hated how furious he felt. His anger was so close to sadness. And just one step away from crying.

  Most of all, he hated feeling vulnerable. He wanted things to work out with Michelle. But he knew they wouldn’t.

  Eric didn’t say another word. He shook his head and walked away. Most guys would have made a scene. A “real” guy would have made threats. That was macho crap.

  It just wasn’t who he was.

  CHAPTER 19

  Focus

  Greg slammed Eric to the mat. Pain shot up through his arm. Normally he didn’t feel pain. He was always so focused. Not today.

  “What are you going to do, Eric?” Sensei asked. He was standing near them. Many of the students had gathered to watch the boys roll.

  Sensei Chen had originally said no intense sparring. Eric and Greg didn’t seem able to roll that way. It had to be intense.

  Greg wrapped his legs around Eric’s leg.

  “Are you breathing?” Sensei asked.

  Eric tried to shift. His goal was to move his opponent. He needed to shift him a little. Maybe it would create an opening.

  Greg didn’t budge.

  Eric was nervous. He never felt that way before. When Sensei’s eyes were on him, he could still perform. He could tune out the entire center.

  Today he felt like he was being judged. Did everyone know?

  They knew about Michelle dissing him. About Dan being Danielle. Before long he would become a joke. Everyone would know about his past with Danielle.

  He crumbled. Greg shifted him. It was an arm bar submission. Greg was bending his arm at the elbow joint.

  “Get out of it!” Sensei Chen said.

  Eric tried.

  “He’s got him!” a student said excitedly. Nobody moved or said another word.

  Most people would tap out. The pain would be intense. Eric had never been submitted in this way. He lifted up his other hand. His arm throbbed as Greg pulled on it. It was time to tap—

  “Time!” Sensei Chen said.

  Greg let go. Both boys got up.

  Everybody cheered. Students congratulated Greg. Some patted Eric’s back.

  “What’s going on?” Sensei asked.

  “He just got me,” Eric said. He was breathing hard. The match had wiped him out.

  “Why do you think that is?” Sensei’s tone was calm. He was always calm.

  Eric was not calm. He felt embarrassed. It wasn’t just that Greg beat him. He’d lost Michelle. Again. He couldn’t get Dan out of his life. Things were spinning out of his control.

  “I don’t know,” he said. He didn’t look at Sensei Chen. He eyed Greg, who was talking to Adam. “Greg, let’s go again.”

  “Now?” Greg laughed.

  Other students laughed too.

  Everyone knew the sparring session had been too intense. The students could still roll. They just had to do it at half speed. Sensei Chen didn’t want anybody to get hurt. The tournament was only a few weeks away.

  “Yeah, why not? Afraid you’ll lose this time?”

  Nobody said a word. Greg eyed Eric. Then he looked at Sensei Chen.

  “You two aren’t rolling again,” Sensei said. “It’s too close to the tournament. Eric, you’re not in the right frame of mind.”

  “What?” he yelled.

  Sensei stared at him. Eric never acted disrespectful. All eyes were on them.

  “I want to roll. Let us roll. This is an MMA center, right?” Eric was being foolish. But he couldn’t stop.

  Sensei Chen moved closer to him. “Eric, you should go home,” he said evenly. “Come back when you’re in the right mindset.”

  Before he could speak, Sensei walked away.

  The students returned to their practice. Rolling continued. The center’s buzz resumed.

  This place had been Eric’s sanctuary. But it wasn’t today.

  CHAPTER 20

  Telling the Truth

  Eric slowly rode home from the center. He didn’t want to get there too early. If he did, his parents would ask questions. Eric could lie but lying wouldn’t be right.

  “Damn it,” he said under his breath. There was Dan and his dad.

  They had seen him and jogged over. There was no getting away now. Could life get any worse? He was almost home.

  “We have to stop meeting like this,” Dan said. Then he smiled.

  That smile, Eric thought. Forget about it. “Yeah,” he said out loud.

  “How’s it going, Eric?” Dan’s dad asked. He wiped some sweat from his forehead.

  “Good.”

  “You see the posting for the tournament?” Dan asked. “We’re in the same weight class.”

  This was the last thing he wanted to talk about. He wanted to scream.

  “Hey,” Dan’s dad said. “I’m cooling down. You two talk. I’ll see you at home, Danny.”r />
  Danny? How could Dan’s dad just accept his daughter’s transition?

  Eric’s dad never would if the tables were turned. He’d probably kick him out.

  Dan’s dad jogged off.

  “You realize we might compete—” Dan started.

  “Yeah, whatever,” Eric said quickly. “I’ve got to bail. I’m late for—”

  “Relax,” Dan said. He blocked Eric’s bike. Dan straddled the wheel. He grabbed the handlebars.

  Their eyes locked. Eric could’ve pushed him away. But all he saw was Danielle. He gave a little resistance. Dan wouldn’t budge. Then Eric gave up. He sat back on his bike.

  “You don’t have to be scared of me,” Dan said.

  “I’m not scared of you,” Eric replied. “There’s no way you can beat me.”

  “I’m not talking about rolling,” Dan said. His tone was firm. “I’m talking about what’s going on with me. You don’t have to be afraid, Eric. I’m not going to threaten your position with the cool people at school. Nobody’s ever going to know what we were.”

  “We weren’t anything,” Eric said harshly. This awful day had gotten worse.

  “We were,” Dan said. “And you know it.”

  “It didn’t mean anything. We were kids.”

  “You don’t believe that.”

  Eric didn’t say anything.

  “I’m sorry, Eric.”

  Eric missed Danielle. He missed who she was to him. Things had been simple. How did everything get so complicated in only a few years?

  “Look,” Eric said. He was nervous and shaking. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. “What … you are … makes me uncomfortable. I just want Danielle back.”

  Dan stared at him. He quickly wiped a tear from his eye.

  Eric had to grip the bike’s wheel to keep his balance.

  “At least I know you still want me around,” Dan said. “In some way.”

  Eric smiled. He couldn’t help it. It was the only thing he could do.

  “Thank you,” Dan said after a long pause. “Why are you thanking me?”

  “For finally being honest,” Dan said. “Isn’t that part of your center’s creed?”

  “Yeah,” he said softly. His fear faded. Eric began to feel calm. It was something he hadn’t felt since Dan returned.

  Then Dan extended his hand. “Can we maybe be friends again? Start over?”

  Eric eyed him. Was this Dan talking? Danielle? His brain hurt. The fear was going away. Eric wasn’t so scared. He liked the feeling. How long would it last? How long would it be until he had to worry again?

  Dan’s hand felt nice when he shook it. Eric sensed the closeness between them. It had been a long time.

  CHAPTER 21

  NiMby

  When’s Dan coming over again?” Maddie asked. It was dinnertime. Spaghetti was on the table.

  The question was ignored. Their parents continued to eat. “I see her at school,” Eric said. Then he realized his mistake. “I mean, I see him. I also talked to him a few days ago. When I was coming home from the center.”

  His dad glared at him.

  “Does Dan go to the center?” Maddie asked.

  “No.” Eric looked at his sister. She stared at him with her big brown eyes. Maddie was curious. She always asked a lot of questions. “Dan trains at another one.”

  “Can we please stop talking about Dan?” his dad said. “It’s bad enough what she’s doing. Do I have to hear about it in my house? Don’t talk to your sister about it.”

  “She asked,” Eric said. “I was just trying to answer her questions.” He was getting mad. Rarely did he talk back to his dad. But he was frustrated. Maddie had questions. So did he.

  Dan had been over to the house. So far Maddie hadn’t noticed that Dan was different.

  Would he ever feel that way?

  “Yeah,” Maddie said. “I just have questions.”

  The family ate in silence.

  “May I be excused?” Maddie finally asked.

  “Did you finish?” her mom asked.

  “Yeah. Can I watch YouTube Kids, Mom?” Maddie asked.

  “Okay,” she said. “But only for 10 minutes.”

  Maddie got up. She walked away from the table.

  “Eric?”

  “Yeah, Mom?”

  “How often do you see Dan?” she asked.

  “Not too much,” he said. “We talk sometimes. I thought you wanted me to be friends with him.”

  “You mean it. Dan is an it.” Eric’s dad fumed.

  “Well, eventually he’ll be a she,” his mom said.

  “Will he have surgery?” Eric asked.

  “Yes—”

  “All right, enough!” his dad said. “Please stop talking about this. You’re both making me sick. Go into the other room if you want to talk about it.” He took a sip of water.

  “Do you call your brother an it?” Eric asked.

  “What does he have to do with this?” he asked.

  “I’m just wondering,” Eric asked. “Do you feel the same way about Uncle Max as you do about Dan?”

  Eric never talked about his uncle with his dad. The fact that Max was gay was never discussed. Ever.

  Obviously, this was a problem. Not talking about real life made it weird. Maybe being open was the answer. Dan had no problem being open about who he was. Eric didn’t think his uncle did either.

  “Look,” his dad said. “I barely see my brother. He’s not really in my life.”

  Eric thought about it for a second. How could you not speak to your own brother? What about Maddie? He loved his sister, even when she was a brat. Maddie would always be in his life. No questions asked.

  “Do yourself a favor, Eric,” his dad warned. “Stay away from Dan. You were close a long time ago. It doesn’t need to be that way anymore. The person you knew is gone.”

  Eric knew it was true. But he still felt close to Dan, even though he was different.

  CHAPTER 22

  Reaching Out

  Eric closed out an English assignment he was working on. Then he stared at his laptop. The screen was a picture of him and Michelle. He went into the system settings. The image changed. Now it was of a mountain.

  He sat at his desk. What was wrong with him? He wasn’t the most popular person at school. Some students did think he was cool. But look at him. They wouldn’t think that if they saw him now. The most important thing he had going was homework.

  He grabbed his phone. Michelle’s number was in his recent calls list. Why did he still want to text her? Just let her go, he told himself. She had let him go.

  He quickly deleted her number. But it didn’t make him feel any better. They were still connected through school. There was also social media.

  Eric stared at his computer screen. It had gone blank. He could see his reflection.

  His phone buzzed. It was a text.

  “Guess who?” It was a phone number Eric didn’t recognize.

  “Who?”

  “Give u a hint. Your mom gave mine your number.”

  Eric stared at the phone. “Dan!” Eric texted back.

  “Bingo,” Dan texted. There was a smiley face emoji.

  Eric was a little upset. Why did his mom give out his number? His dad would be pissed. Maybe his mom was cool with Dan’s transition. Did she want Dan in Eric’s life?

  Eric stared at the text.

  “Want to roll? My house?” Dan wrote.

  Eric laughed. “No,” he texted.

  “Y not? U scared?” Dan asked.

  Eric laughed again. “Too good for u,” he wrote. “U won’t be able to deal.”

  “You’re too scared,” Dan texted.

  He stared at his phone. A feeling of excitement ran through him. Danielle used to say that to him. Right before he kissed her for the first time. She’d challenged him. Told him he was scared.

  Now Dan was challenging him. It was different. But still the same. Kind of.

  “What’s your a
ddress?” Eric wrote. He regretted texting that. Dan was not someone he wanted to hang out with. Did he?

  “15611 Cruise,” Dan texted back. “U are dead.”

  Eric stared at the text. He grabbed his gym bag. Inside were his shorts, a compression shirt, and a towel.

  He walked out of his room. Another text came in.

  “See u soon.”

  CHAPTER 23

  Different but Not

  Eric and Dan were in the garage. Dan’s parents had turned half of it into a mini-dojo. It had a mat. There was a heavy bag and weights. A treadmill was in the corner. On a small shelf were a few MMA trophies Dan had won.

  The house was two stories. It had a large green lawn out front. In the back was a pool.

  Eric’s house had none of that. He ran on the street and at school. Everything else he did at the Chen MMA.

  They were on the mat. Eric was on top. His body was in the side-control position. Dan was trying to get up. Eric kept holding him down.

  Dan had put on music. It was from the band Sick of It All. Their music was loud and hard. It perfectly captured the combat spirit.

  They practiced their moves. Leg locks. Side control. Sprawls. Both wanted to improve their skills.

  Dan wore a compression shirt and pants. Eric was surprised when he first saw him. The shirt was tight. Yet there was almost none of Dan’s “girl body” to be seen.

  Dan was a lot more muscular. Eric figured he had probably put on muscle weight. Their weight class was 135 pounds. Danielle wouldn’t have weighed that much. It made sense that Dan would. Eric thought he looked like a guy. He just had a small frame. But he still felt like Danielle. Dan felt soft and firm. It was everything Eric remembered from before.

  Dan squirmed and kicked out his legs. Before Eric knew it, Dan had almost rolled out of his hold.

  “Go for it more,” Dan said. He laughed. “Don’t let me off the hook!”

  Eric couldn’t help it. Despite Danielle becoming Dan, Eric didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t want to grapple too hard.