The Space Between

  Bi-Normal

  Edge of Ready

  Expecting (rural)

  Falling Out of Place

  FatherSonFather

  Finding Apeman (rural)

  A Heart Like Ringo Starr (verse)

  I’m Just Me

  Keys to Freedom

  Otherwise (verse)

  Roadside Attraction (rural)

  Rodeo Princess (rural)

  Screaming Quietly

  Self. Destructed.

  Skinhead Birdy

  Sticks and Stones (rural)

  Teeny Little Grief Machines (verse)

  That Selfie Girl (verse)

  The Space Between

  2 Days

  Unchained

  Varsity 170

  Copyright ©2018 by Saddleback Educational Publishing

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher. SADDLEBACK EDUCATIONAL PUBLISHING and any associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Saddleback Educational Publishing.

  ISBN-13: 978-1-68021-599-1

  eBook: 978-1-63078-473-7

  This digital document has been produced by Nord Compo.

  At 16, “Those Homophobic” was one of the first songs I ever heard that really made me realize how we can be conditioned to think certain ways about people—and not even know it. The main character in this story is like that.

  This book is dedicated to my friend Dan O’Mahony, who wrote the song and who gave permission for its lyrics to be printed here.

  I keep stupidity by my side

  I’ve got stupid masculine pride

  I use hatred to express fear

  There’s a reason they’re called queer

  Love as! Some church defines it!

  Expressed! As we’d confine it

  Suffers! The undeserving

  Don’t look for mercy in these eyes

  Why can’t they just do what’s right?

  It’s not love that brought them here

  There’s a reason they’re called queer

  Love is love!

  CHAPTER 1

  Rolling

  Remember to remain calm,” Sensei Chen said. “And breathe. Do that and you’ll keep a clear head.”

  Sensei Chen spoke to Eric Davis and Greg Wall. They were “rolling” in the middle of Chen MMA Center. Rolling was a sparring session when two people practiced their mixed martial arts moves. There were kicks, punches, blocks, and chokeholds. None of the moves were at full force. Many of Sensei’s students watched the session.

  The MMA center was always busy. Sensei’s students worked on heavy bags. Others jumped rope. Some rolled on the mats. Everyone worked hard to be good.

  Eric worked harder than most. He was a 16-year-old sophomore at Starling High School. It was in the sleepy town of Deermont, California.

  When Eric wasn’t rolling, he lifted weights. He also jogged for cardio. Eating well was part of the plan too.

  Eric wasn’t the most popular at school. He was known for being into MMA. His main focus was jujitsu. The school’s wrestling coach wanted him on the team. So did the wrestlers. Eric wasn’t interested in wrestling. MMA allowed him to do more. He could fight standing up or on the ground.

  Eric loved rolling. He enjoyed combat—using his body as a weapon. It took skill. The tougher the match the better.

  There were a few ways to win. But submitting an opponent quickly felt great. Getting them to tap three times—no matter when it came—was the best part. To tap out meant an end to the match.

  Eric loved to win. And he almost always did. There were many trophies at home to prove it. The MMA center also displayed tournament trophies. Eric had played a big part in winning them.

  “Honesty. Integrity. Intensity,” Sensei Chen said. He addressed the students watching. It was Sensei’s MMA creed. The three words were on every wall of the center. “Bring those traits to a match—always. You can never lose if you do.”

  Eric and Greg were both black belts in jujitsu. Eric was a bantamweight. He weighed 135 pounds. Greg weighed a little more.

  Their matches were exciting. They moved fast. Eric was on top of Greg. Greg was in a chokehold. But he somehow rolled out of it.

  Greg turned. Suddenly Eric was on his back.

  The students watching cheered. Many thought Greg was as good as Eric. Some even thought he was better. But whenever they rolled, Eric always won.

  Greg pressed his weight on top of Eric. He was trying to impose his will. It would’ve worked on anyone else.

  Eric stayed calm. Breathe, he told himself. He slowly wrapped his legs around Greg’s. It was a leg lock. Greg tried to fight. His legs were strong. Eric didn’t care. He knew his were stronger.

  Then Greg made a big mistake. He tried to adjust himself. That’s when Eric pushed himself off the mat. With all of his strength, he turned Greg over. Now Greg was on his back.

  The students cheered for Eric now.

  Before Greg knew it, he was in a chokehold again. Eric’s arm was around his throat. It was getting tighter.

  Eric could feel the energy in Greg’s body. There was confidence before. Now he was tense. He couldn’t breathe. Eric wouldn’t let him.

  “Match!” Sensei Chen said.

  Eric and Greg immediately let go of each other. They both got to their feet.

  The students clapped. What a great match!

  Rolling wasn’t about winning or losing. It was about practicing what you’d learned. Getting better was the goal.

  The students at Chen MMA knew one thing. In a real match, Eric would’ve won. He always won on the mat.

  CHAPTER 2

  Michelle

  Eric rode his bike home. He liked to relax after training. Riding slowly gave him time to think. Cars zoomed past.

  There was still homework to do. It wasn’t much. Algebra and chemistry.

  “No intense rolling for a while,” Sensei Chen had said. This was right after Eric and Greg had rolled. “We’ve got the county tournament coming up. I want everyone ready. Our team needs to be injury free.”

  Chen MMA had about 60 students. Most of them were teenagers. Ten to 15 of them would be in the tournament. Those would be the best students.

  Deermont was in Steel County. The tournament would be countywide. The town was small. It had strip malls and schools. Industrial buildings surrounded it. Eric didn’t know much about them.

  Eric reached into his pocket. He took out his phone. No messages. His heart sank. He’d been hoping for a message from Michelle Thomas. They were dating. Four dates, four weekends in a row.

  He’d thought they were together. They were a “thing.” But Lance Espinoza told him differently.

  “Bro,” Lance had said, laughing. “I saw Michelle at the Dekker mall. She was totally macking with some guy from Dekker High School. I think he’s on the water polo team.”

  Eric knew Michelle hung out in Dekker. It was the city next to Deermont. Her cousins lived there. She had friends who liked to hang out there too.

  He’d called Michelle after hearing that. She didn’t pick up. Now it had been two weeks. Eric still hadn’t talked to her.

  “Dude,” Liam Axelson had said. “You should totally hose that guy. Let’s go to Dekker.”

  “Yeah,” Lance had chimed in. “We’ll totally get him at the mall in front of everybody. Take him down!”

  Lance and Liam had laughed about it. They’d talked about how Eric could get revenge. He could use MMA moves. It was payback time.

  Eric had smiled.

  He knew he could beat up Michelle’s dates.
There weren’t too many people who would mess with him.

  His friends had missed the point. They didn’t notice how bummed he was. Neither asked if he was okay. They just assumed he was. Eric was a tough MMA guy. Nothing was supposed to bother him.

  Chen MMA kept him away from other activities. He didn’t get involved in any of the school sports’ drama. At the same time, he wasn’t part of anything at Starling.

  He didn’t have a lot of close friends. It was hard getting close to people. Even Lance and Liam were only acquaintances. They played football and baseball. He mostly hung out with them at school. It was rare to see them casually.

  Of course he didn’t want to get Michelle back by fighting. He shouldn’t have to. She was the one who had bailed. He’d been happy with her. If she didn’t want to be with him, then screw her.

  “You’ll slaughter that guy,” Liam had said. “Michelle will come running back.”

  “For real,” Lance had said.

  Eric had smiled and shrugged. No way would that work.

  Now, as he rode his bike home, he still felt the same way.

  CHAPTER 3

  Moving Back

  Even when it looked bad, I wasn’t nervous,” Eric said. “No way was Greg going to beat me.” He was sitting at the dinner table with his mom, dad, and seven-year-old sister, Madison—Maddie for short.

  His mom had made meatloaf. It was one of Eric’s favorite meals. He loved her mashed potatoes too.

  “That’s because of your training,” his dad said. “Sensei Chen has taught you well. Remaining calm in a tough situation is something you can use in life. It’s not just for the mat.”

  “Yeah,” his mom said, smiling. “Like when you take your next English test.”

  Eric grinned. He did well in school. But English was too personal. Mrs. Jordan liked students to talk about themselves. The teacher wanted them to share their thoughts and feelings.

  Eric knew how he felt. He had opinions about things. Writing those feelings and opinions down on paper was hard. Sometimes it was easier typing them on a laptop. Talking about his feelings was difficult, though.

  “I never get nervous during tests,” Maddie said.

  “That’s because you don’t have tests,” Eric said.

  “Yes I do!” she snapped.

  “All done with your homework?” his dad asked.

  Eric had a hard time figuring out his dad. He loved him. But he didn’t feel close to him. He could talk to his mom. Talking to Maddie was easy. But his dad was a mystery.

  His dad always gave him advice. Eric would follow it. Then his dad would question him about it. It was confusing. He never really knew where he stood.

  Both his parents worked with numbers. His father worked at a bank. He was a loan officer. His mom worked part-time at city hall. She was in the accounting department.

  The family lived in a spacious one-story home. Eric knew he was lucky. Things were good. Still, something felt off. Disconnected …

  “Oh, Eric,” his mom said between bites. “Did your father tell you the news?”

  Eric looked at his dad.

  “What news?” his dad asked.

  “About the Bonum family,” his mom said.

  “Oh yeah,” his dad said. “They’re moving back.”

  “They are?” Eric said. He sat up in his chair.

  “Yeah,” Maddie said. “Your girlfriend is coming back.”

  “Right,” Eric joked.

  It was partially true.

  Eric and Danielle Bonum had been really good friends. They had met when they were five. The pair had always gotten along.

  Danielle wasn’t girlie. She did everything Eric did. Danielle was just as good at sports as the boys.

  They had always been close. The two talked about everything. Movies. Music. Books. Danielle made it easy.

  Things changed in middle school. Eric started to think about her differently.

  He loved her dark skin. Her long curly black hair was perfect. She had hazel eyes. He would stare into them as they talked. Oh man, was he lost. He had fallen hard for her. It had happened overnight.

  Somehow he’d found the courage to tell her. To his surprise, Danielle felt the same way. In fact, she’d said she’d felt that way for months.

  They spent the summer before eighth grade together. Did they make out the whole summer? It seemed like it. But there was no PDA. However, both families knew. Their affection was obvious.

  It was like nothing Eric had ever experienced. Being with Danielle felt right. She made Eric feel good about himself.

  They had known each other forever. Then they became best friends. That friendship had blossomed. It was in another zone.

  It was a month before school would start. The shoe dropped. It was bad. The Bonum family was moving.

  Danielle’s father worked in cyber security. His company was transferring him.

  “We need to make the most of this,” she had said. “I’ll be gone soon.”

  “I know,” he had said.

  “Time needs to stop. I want to stay here with you forever.”

  “Me too.”

  Their bond felt so strong. When she moved away, they made promises.

  “We’ll talk every day,” she said.

  “Yeah!” he agreed. “We’ll see each other on holidays too.”

  They kept in touch. And then they didn’t. Little by little, the communication stopped. Eric was bummed. Still, he was busy with MMA, friends, and other girls.

  The memory of Danielle slowly faded. Eric didn’t even realize it was happening. He dated other girls. A lot of them he actually liked. But none of them made him feel the way Danielle did.

  “Are you going to smooch her when she comes back?” Maddie asked, breaking into his thoughts.

  His parents laughed. Eric laughed too.

  Maddie was a mind reader. He did want to kiss his old flame.

  CHAPTER 4

  Transition

  Eric lay across his bed. He typed on his laptop. On his wall was the Chen MMA creed. Honesty. Intensity. Integrity. There was a weight bench on the far side. Next to it was Eric’s workout regimen. It listed the days he jogged, lifted, or rolled.

  “The goal is to work different muscles every day,” Sensei had said. Then he pointed to his head. “Work this muscle daily.”

  Eric was finishing some chemistry questions. Concentrating was hard. He couldn’t wait to see Danielle. Were they meant to be? That one summer had been so perfect.

  Eric had been bummed about her. Now he didn’t care. He couldn’t believe how quickly his feelings had changed. Just thinking about her return made him happy.

  There was a knock on his door.

  “Yeah,” he said.

  His mom popped her head in. “How busy are you right now?” she asked. She wore her workout clothes. He figured she was going to exercise.

  “I’m just finishing homework,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said. Then she walked into his room and shut the door. “This won’t take long. I promise.”

  Eric put his laptop on the side of the bed. He sat up. His mom never acted like this. They never spoke in private.

  “Is everything okay?” He smiled. “Are you and dad getting a divorce?”

  “No,” she said, laughing. “I wanted to talk to you about Danielle.”

  “What about her?”

  He was clueless. What could his mom have to say about the girl? She knew Danielle was his first major crush.

  “Well, that’s why I want to talk to you. Alone,” she said. “You know how your dad can be sometimes.”

  “Why would Dad care? He always liked her.”

  “And hopefully he still will.”

  “Mom …” He was getting mad. “Just say it!”

  “Danielle has changed a lot in the last few years.”

  “And? So?”

  “She’s transitioning.”

  “Huh? What does that mean?” Eric didn’t understand. He just wanted to han
g out with her again. Was there anything left for them? Could they pick up where they’d left off?

  “She’s becoming a he. A boy. Her mom told me she goes by Dan now.”

  CHAPTER 5

  She’s Back

  What a bombshell. But Eric couldn’t take his mind off Danielle. Not that he wanted anything to do with her. He wasn’t going to hang out. It had been two years since they’d spoken. Everyone had moved on.

  Still, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. She could hold his attention with her stare. Nobody had ever had that effect on him. He loved her body. She was so soft and smelled good.

  Danielle was positive energy times 100. She even liked wrestling, MMA, and boxing. Her dad had boxed in the Marines. He had shown them some moves. How to jab. How to throw uppercuts. The best way to block punches.

  Eric had to let that go now. The girl he knew was gone.

  “Dude,” Lance greeted him the next morning. Liam was also there. “Look how hot Laurie Fang is today.”

  Laurie was standing by a bench. She was texting. The teen wore a short black skirt and a denim jacket. Underneath the jacket was a white tank top.

  “Wow, dude!” Liam smiled. “She is on fire.”

  “I would totally pay to hook up with her,” Lance said.

  “Wonder if she has a group rate,” Liam said.

  Liam and Lance cracked up. Eric grimaced. He didn’t say much when the guys talked like this. Laurie was hot. But it wasn’t okay to treat her like meat.

  It wasn’t Eric’s way to share how he felt. He knew he should say something. But he didn’t. He kept quiet.

  Coach Hodges walked past them. He was one of the assistant wrestling coaches. Eric could tell he’d been running laps on the track. He wore shorts and a Starling High T-shirt.

  The campus was shaped like a rhombus. It had two levels of classrooms all the way around it. In the back of the school was the track and field.

  “Are you training for the county thing?” Coach Hodges asked him.

  “Yeah,” Eric said.

  Coach Hodges was talking about the Steel County MMA tournament.